Random Today I had a dream of my ex-girlfriend, it’s a relief really because I left her so she could become a mother since girls can’t have babies together and she would have made a great mother. I had this dream in my head, this wish and hope that we would see each other again some day down the road. I loved her to pieces with all that I had to give and it was my best. I really did love her, she was my rock when things were hard and my safe haven when I felt unsafe. She came with me to my little sisters funeral when she killed herself. She was actually the only person I talked about my feelings with at that time. Leah died of cancer in March, I didn’t tell her why I broke up with her and didn’t tell her that I truly did love her. In my dream I asked her why we broke up in the first place, she smiled and jerked her hand “cause we couldn’t do this”. Some how she knew I didn’t go back with her because I wanted her to have a baby. I really miss her…

Random

Today I had a dream of my ex-girlfriend, it’s a relief really because I left her so she could become a mother since girls can’t have babies together and she would have made a great mother. I had this dream in my head, this wish and hope that we would see each other again some day down the road.

I loved her to pieces with all that I had to give and it was my best. I really did love her, she was my rock when things were hard and my safe haven when I felt unsafe. She came with me to my little sisters funeral when she killed herself. She was actually the only person I talked about my feelings with at that time.

Leah died of cancer in March, I didn’t tell her why I broke up with her and didn’t tell her that I truly did love her. In my dream I asked her why we broke up in the first place, she smiled and jerked her hand “cause we couldn’t do this”.
Some how she knew I didn’t go back with her because I wanted her to have a baby. I really miss her…

Well…. I got back with my old man, I don’t regret walking away and I don’t regret coming back to him. He had to learn the boundaries of our relationship and I had to learn where I stand as a woman. A lot of woman go through drama, through struggle and insecurities in relationships. I wanted to respect myself, to be an example of this and I was. When I believed he was cheating, I told him exactly how I felt and that I was no ones second choice or back up plan. I love him to pieces, I’m glad he understood and accepted that this May make me insecure. So far Spanky hasn’t drifted into the deep end… O.O I’m not saying our relationship is the relationship above all relationships. I am saying that this one just makes me happy.

Well….

I got back with my old man, I don’t regret walking away and I don’t regret coming back to him. He had to learn the boundaries of our relationship and I had to learn where I stand as a woman. A lot of woman go through drama, through struggle and insecurities in relationships.
I wanted to respect myself, to be an example of this and I was.
When I believed he was cheating, I told him exactly how I felt and that I was no ones second choice or back up plan.
I love him to pieces, I’m glad he understood and accepted that this May make me insecure. So far Spanky hasn’t drifted into the deep end… O.O

I’m not saying our relationship is the relationship above all relationships.
I am saying that this one just makes me happy.

captainjaymerica: Guys, please take care of yourselves. Eat if you haven’t eaten. Sleep if you need to. Take a mental health day. Do what you need to do. But put yourself first when necessary. (via tsumikichi)

captainjaymerica:

Guys, please take care of yourselves. Eat if you haven’t eaten. Sleep if you need to. Take a mental health day. Do what you need to do. But put yourself first when necessary.

(via tsumikichi)

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Moving forward I left my boyfriend today, he was talking to his ex and had pictures of her. I still love him dearly but I refuse to be be walked on and to be treated like I’m back up if things don’t work out with her. My father taught me to respect myself, taught me to take care of myself and to not let a man take advantage of me. Things aren’t going my way but I still believe in love, I still believe we have soul mates and I still believe love is important even if it’s not returned. I believe I deeply love him but I also love myself because of what God has taught me. I am not someone to be taken advantage of, I am not someone you will have when things go wrong and I am not someone who will allow anyone to abuse my trust. I have dignity, integrity and reason. I do not think I am better than anyone else, I do not have all the answers and yes I am only human. I don’t know where my life is going but I won’t give up in myself just to please someone else.

Moving forward

I left my boyfriend today, he was talking to his ex and had pictures of her.
I still love him dearly but I refuse to be be walked on and to be treated like I’m back up if things don’t work out with her.
My father taught me to respect myself, taught me to take care of myself and to not let a man take advantage of me.
Things aren’t going my way but I still believe in love, I still believe we have soul mates and I still believe love is important even if it’s not returned.
I believe I deeply love him but I also love myself because of what God has taught me.
I am not someone to be taken advantage of, I am not someone you will have when things go wrong and I am not someone who will allow anyone to abuse my trust.

I have dignity, integrity and reason. I do not think I am better than anyone else, I do not have all the answers and yes I am only human.

I don’t know where my life is going but I won’t give up in myself just to please someone else.

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Somedays I wake up sometimes thinking of my sister. If she didn’t kill herself in 2010, my life would be completely different today and I just might have never met my boyfriend. I think we would have been like Sam and Dean from supernatural. I would be Dean and she would be Sam cause Sam is so adorable. :3  I’m Dean cause I was the type of person to stare at men’s butt and go “mmm do you see that nice piece of ass” I really miss my sister, I planed to do a lot of things to get us out of town and live where we could just live. We grew up not knowing where we belonged, not knowing if we we’re loved and I guess we had that in each other. I miss putting make up on her, nagging her to dress more pretty and pushing her around. I left for university when she killed herself, now I’m scared to go back to school because I think something bad might happen and this terrifies me.

Somedays

I wake up sometimes thinking of my sister. If she didn’t kill herself in 2010, my life would be completely different today and I just might have never met my boyfriend.
I think we would have been like Sam and Dean from supernatural. I would be Dean and she would be Sam cause Sam is so adorable. :3 
I’m Dean cause I was the type of person to stare at men’s butt and go “mmm do you see that nice piece of ass”

I really miss my sister, I planed to do a lot of things to get us out of town and live where we could just live. We grew up not knowing where we belonged, not knowing if we we’re loved and I guess we had that in each other. I miss putting make up on her, nagging her to dress more pretty and pushing her around.
I left for university when she killed herself, now I’m scared to go back to school because I think something bad might happen and this terrifies me.

bigbardafree: deciding i was pretty was the best thing that i ever did one day i was just like fuck this im pretty and i was :) (via tsumikichi)

bigbardafree:

deciding i was pretty was the best thing that i ever did

one day i was just like

fuck this im pretty

and i was

:)

(via tsumikichi)

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Paradise My friend teased about having trouble in Paradise with my boyfriend. I don’t think of it as paradise, that it’s good or bad. I’m always torn between the two. I love days where I can just hold him, kiss him and love him. I also hate the days he lies to me, sneaks around and looks for his ex girlfriend. I can’t really confront him about it as I know this piece of information from snooping around on his browser history. Bad spanky….. I know I’m doing this to myself…..I just don’t want to be too blind when I know he has a history of cheating. I have clinical depression but I don’t let that stop me from living a healthy, happy and positive lifestyle. Somedays it is hard for me to live with another human, working in trust and learning to find unity in each other. Being raised in a broken home, fucked up single mom and crazy violence. I’m scared, anxious and tired half the time but I try. Because I love myself, I deserve all the good things God has to give in life and I want to work for good things because it makes me feel better about who I am. It’s gunna hurt if he ever left me but at the same time I rather he be happy even if it’s not with me.

Paradise

My friend teased about having trouble in Paradise with my boyfriend. I don’t think of it as paradise, that it’s good or bad. I’m always torn between the two.
I love days where I can just hold him, kiss him and love him. I also hate the days he lies to me, sneaks around and looks for his ex girlfriend.
I can’t really confront him about it as I know this piece of information from snooping around on his browser history. Bad spanky…..
I know I’m doing this to myself…..I just don’t want to be too blind when I know he has a history of cheating.
I have clinical depression but I don’t let that stop me from living a healthy, happy and positive lifestyle.

Somedays it is hard for me to live with another human, working in trust and learning to find unity in each other.
Being raised in a broken home, fucked up single mom and crazy violence.
I’m scared, anxious and tired half the time but I try. Because I love myself, I deserve all the good things God has to give in life and I want to work for good things because it makes me feel better about who I am.
It’s gunna hurt if he ever left me but at the same time I rather he be happy even if it’s not with me.

Love love love Told my boyfriend a little spiritual belief people have. I told him that when we die we turn into something else, so when we visit relatives we chose to look like our old selves but when we die we can look like anything we want and that becomes our true form. I told him him that I was going to be a box of crayons and he told me he’ll be the box.

Love love love

Told my boyfriend a little spiritual belief people have.
I told him that when we die we turn into something else, so when we visit relatives we chose to look like our old selves but when we die we can look like anything we want and that becomes our true form.

I told him him that I was going to be a box of crayons and he told me he’ll be the box.

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I’m way younger than my boyfriend, it doesn’t bother me and I love it. Lately I have been insecure about his ex girlfriend just because I found her stupid name in the browser history -_- bad spanky….bad. I wasn’t looking for it, I was however looking for some naughty things so I could tease him and naughty it was. :3  Well I found it, we’ve been dating for nine months or ten -_- so bad at keeping track. I don’t want to bother asking cause being pregnant and working on this relationship is just tiring. I have this feeling that he would just lie…. He cheated on her with some lady while drunk thinking she wouldn’t find out and had this juvenile thought that since they’re going to be together forever he should sleep with a lot of woman. *slaps forehead* Hashtag pet peeve :P jk *note* you are not ready for a committed relationship if you have this idea you should sleep around with tons of woman before committing to the “relationship” your already in. He lied about it of course but she knew better. My end thought of this whole ordeal, …..chocolate pudding

I’m way younger than my boyfriend, it doesn’t bother me and I love it.

Lately I have been insecure about his ex girlfriend just because I found her stupid name in the browser history -_- bad spanky….bad.
I wasn’t looking for it, I was however looking for some naughty things so I could tease him and naughty it was. :3 

Well I found it, we’ve been dating for nine months or ten -_- so bad at keeping track.
I don’t want to bother asking cause being pregnant and working on this relationship is just tiring. I have this feeling that he would just lie….

He cheated on her with some lady while drunk thinking she wouldn’t find out and had this juvenile thought that since they’re going to be together forever he should sleep with a lot of woman. *slaps forehead* Hashtag pet peeve :P jk

*note* you are not ready for a committed relationship if you have this idea you should sleep around with tons of woman before committing to the “relationship” your already in.

He lied about it of course but she knew better.

My end thought of this whole ordeal,

…..chocolate pudding

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